Today’s topic could easily be my usual complaint: my lack of motivation in updating this blog! But instead I’m going to discuss that in terms of something else: cleaning. More specifically, cleaning my room. This is a combination of acquiring too many things whilst living away from home and not culling them upon returning, and that pesky emptiness that should be motivation and productivity. To be completely honest, I’ve always been a bit of a hoarder and someone who tends towards chaos rather than tidiness, but really, my current situation more than takes the cake.
My room, to hold nothing back, looks like the aftermath of a frat party. Too much dirty laundry, too many rubbish bags, and, it pains me to admit, right now there’s barely a piece of carpet visible. Stuff is piled high, and it seems only to be escalating rather than disappearing. It’s not as if there are tons of stuff that I can immediately pinpoint as “those things are hoarded, useless pieces of junk” necessarily, but things have gotten way out of hand.
Every week almost it seems that I attempt to clear a lot of the rubbish and then move on to culling stuff. I’ve made some headway into the culling, it’s true, but these days the mess is so big that I barely get to clearing it before my motivation just goes flat and I give up. Usually I could rely on my mum popping in and giving me a hand – that usually encourages me like nothing else – but nowadays things are too mad for her to want to even stick her head in the door. I know it’s a matter of telling myself “you need to do this; you can’t live like a pig forever”, but for whatever reason, I just can’t seem to put the theory into practice and sort it all out.
The culling will be ruthless this time, I know that; it has to be. No clinging onto all my favorite books that I could easily borrow from a library or store onto my Kindle. No clinging onto DVDs that I’m pretty sure I’ll never watch again. Same for jewellery, clothes (especially clothes, oh my gosh), and anything else that I simply have too much of. I’m sure that if I were living in my own place, I’d have no problem finding a place for everything I currently own, but realistically that isn’t going to happen any time soon, so I have to be pragmatic now. But again, how to even get started doing this?
I’d be culling all the time if I had a tidy space in which to get started. I’d have a tidy space if I would just get stuck in and de-fratparty the place. Yet I don’t. I use excuses – “oh, but it’s my only day off and I want to relax”, “oh, I’ve been working all day and I’m exhausted” – but how can I move past this if I don’t take the time to do it? Gone are the days when I could come home from school to find my room had been completely tidied and sometimes even rearranged completely by my mum who wanted a cool project for the day. I can’t keep relying on wishing that I could magic the room clean like Dumbledore and Slughorn do in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. I need to act like an adult and create a clean, tidy space that I want to be in, that I want to work in. That’s the ultimate goal: to free up a desk space at which to be productive, and to have a tidy background for filming.
The thing is, I know in my head it’s a case of “get up early, and take the whole day to work on it”, so how can I push myself to do it? The most frustrating aspect of it is that my brother quite often has those days where he’ll wake up like “let’s do this” but since he suffers from lupus, his body is more often than not simply not up to what his mind wants to do. If we could combine my fitness and his motivation, we’d be there. I guess the answer is to have him bark at me not to stop until the place is gleaming, eh?
Is anyone else going through this at the moment? The mess has never been so bad, and yet it must have the potential to become even more chaotic, since at so many stages it’s been a case of “it can’t get any worse”, and it has done. Any tips for overcoming the vicious circle of mess? Put the internet away, no distractions, be a big girl and get it done, right? Easier said than done at the moment, but I’m hoping that the cliché of “new year, new start” will push me to fix my life. Otherwise I’ll drown in squalor and not live how I want to. HELP.