In terms of body confidence issues, it might be considered insensitive to call any of it ‘trivial’, but in my case, there are certainly parts of my body that I don’t feel 100% happy about, that at times get me down, but in comparison to the dysmorphic feelings I had toward those things mentioned in the previous post on this topic, how I feel about the following is much more unimportant, or rather makes much less impact on my life as a whole. Conversely, these issues are the longest-standing; it’s much harder to rid my mind of the negative feelings that arise, whereas the serious issues, which are my breasts and genitalia, took a lot of deep thinking and ‘research’ for me to come to the realization that actually, I’m normal. And these following are normal too, but a lot harder to reconcile myself with.
A little disclaimer: I don’t want to bring up anyone else’s insecurities with any of these issues, nor do I want to make out that these things should be issues for everyone who suffers or experiences them. I’m just talking about the things that affect me, and like my previous post, it’s sometimes not as much the actual issues so much as how they’ve negatively affected me over years and years. Ideally, I’d like to come to terms with all of it, completely, 100%.
I intended to begin at the top of my body and work my way down, which makes my starting point also the one that gives me the most grief: my hair. My hair is fine in its individual strands, but as a whole it’s very thick – there’s a lot of it. But the fineness means my hair is very prone to oiliness. There’s a lot of advice, especially online, on how to deal with this: don’t wash your hair every day, minimise the time you’re under the water, minimise the time you have product on your hair, don’t keep it wrapped in the towel for very long, spread out the time between washes to let your hair become more accustomed to it… They’re just a few things I’ve tried and tested – some of the myriad advice does make an improvement, but I’ve found that most of the time, it simply differs every time. There seem to be too many factors involved that my hair doesn’t want to agree with. I wouldn’t mind it so much if my hair actually was guaranteed to look clean after each wash, but it doesn’t want to do that sometimes either – it’s a bit hit and miss. It’s the thing that gets me down probably the most of these things, because hair’s such a big part of your overall image, and how you’re perceived both initially and continually, since people look at it each time they look at you. Sometimes I’m tempted to shave it all off, I must admit!
Next would be my skin, especially my facial skin. It’s a common complaint: I have combination skin, meaning that in parts of my face the skin is oily or oil-prone, in others it’s very dry, and in some areas, especially my forehead and T-zone in general, it’s both at the same time, weirdly! My skin’s not smooth either; all my life since puberty I’ve been prone to spots, and when they disappear, my skin stays quite ‘textured’, I guess? When I use face washes and face scrubs to generally smooth out my skin, it works on those areas that don’t really get spots, but the rest stays like a bumpy road. It looks okay; you’d really have to touch it to realize how it’s not smooth. Maybe that’s me being too pernickety and everyone suffers from this to some extent. Now I know the solution to this problem, if there is one, is impeded by my frugality (blame me being both a Scot and a Capricorn – a deadly combination in terms of cheapness!), and I need to accept that a lot of good skincare is a bit pricier. Some of the beauty girls I watch on YouTube have managed to improve their skin very successfully, so I’m sure I could do it too. My skin doesn’t get me down too much, truth be told; the one thing is the dryness, because although I love the moisturizer I’m currently using, I still have problems with dryness on my forehead and going up into my scalp, and that doesn’t look pretty!
Next is my ‘witchy’ chin. I use this name for mine, but I realize this is mean toward those who have a similar protrusion. I actually don’t have many problems with my chin anymore, but it used to get to me quite a lot. I have a small head in general, and killer cheekbones, if I do say so myself, so my chin’s quite noticeable, especially when I wear my hair up. As I said, I don’t really mind it anymore – I’ve very much got an ‘it is what it is’ approach to it now. I’d never consider surgery to shave it down, so that’s that. I find it funny to see it sticking out in pictures from the side rather than feeling insecure. 🙂
Boobs of course are dealt with in the previous post, so I’ll move on to my belly. This is the instance where people will probably come at me and be pissed off at me insinuating I feel bad about it, but I’m glad to say that I don’t really care that I’ve got more of a belly right now than ever. In fact, for years I was a size 8, trying desperately to go up at least one dress size, which I thought wouldn’t be too difficult, being only 5′ tall. Still, it took me a long time, and I didn’t really do it very healthily or sensibly, if I’m honest. The result of too many takeaways is a size 10 and a bit of a belly, and I’d have the cheek to complain about this, really. I weigh the most I’ve ever done in my life, but it’s not something that gets me down. I’m confident in what I wear and how I look generally. The reason I most want to stay this size is because I can’t afford to buy any clothes in a larger size, that’s all!
I absolutely love my pre-Raphaelite hips and butt. And I think I have pretty nice legs too, although I used to hate them and cover them up; I’m really not sure why, actually! I absolutely hate shaving my legs, though I won’t show them off when they need shaving; that’s something I don’t have the confidence to pull off, and in all honesty, I prefer shaven legs. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that preference. It’s been months and months since I last shaved them, though I plan to when the weather gets warmer. Until then, I don’t really care.
This has turned into a bit of a ramble about how I feel about my body in general, negative and positive. The last thing, my height, isn’t something I feel insecure about per se, but I often wish I were taller. I think being short makes me look younger, and of course there’s the usual complaints of struggling to find jeans to fit my legs, taller people blocking my view at the cinema and at concerts, and having 12 year olds tower over me! I feel like I might come across as a bit of a pushover because of my height as well. As I said, I’m only 5′ tall, the same height as I was at 11 – I used to be the tallest in my class at school! I’d only have liked a few more inches; I wouldn’t want to be overly tall.
All of these things aren’t things that really eat away at me, but some of them – especially hair, skin, and height – are noticeable daily, and the ones I really wish I could change. Unfortunately, the nature of hair’s genetic, so there’s no changing it for good, although I continue to try everything I can to combat the problem. Skin’s a matter of cost and routine; I feel like I could definitely improve it. Height won’t change at this point, so I just have to live with that.
But in general, compared to even five years ago, I’m very confident about and love my body. It’s not ideal for me, but then I don’t think anyone’s is. Everyone should be happy about their body, but it’s a complex issue, and with the focus society puts on appearance and the ‘perfection’ of beauty, it’s no surprise that most if not all of us have something about us we don’t like. Some people resort to surgery to get the improvements they wish to see, others try to combat the psychological issue by simply practicing attempts at acceptance. Whichever choice you make, I wish you happiness in your body. That’s something we all deserve.